(no subject)

I suppose I'll use this journal to just write some of my thoughts and some of my woes, not that anyone will even bother reading them anyways.

At this point, I am not sure how to even- Words are hard. Spent some times on VRChat, as I sometimes do nowadays. Perhaps my strategy of trying to make friends by sitting in odd, secluded virtual places isn't the best, all things considered... But is it wrong of me hoping that I'd meet like-minded people by doing so? People who just enjoy immersing themselves in their thoughts in a quiet spot, while also perhaps waiting for someone to walk up to them and alleviate the silence with some genuinely interesting conversations?

I've come up to one such person — doing a similar thing, I mean — and tried striking up a conversation. They said they were tired, so I didn't want to be a bother and just quietly sat by them, waiting for them to perhaps open up more after a bit… I suppose I could've been a bother after all, or they simply didn't find me interesting enough, or perhaps I should've been more decisive and asked after all — and a myriad of other reasons… But in the end, they just left. Understandable, I suppose.

Coincidentally, as they left, another person happened to walk up to us (well, me, now that the other person left) and, wouldn't you know, we've actually managed to strike up a conversation. We've talked about some random things such as pets and jobs, and I thought it was a somewhat interesting conversation… but the person then just left without even saying goodbye… It was almost abrupt, but perhaps not too abrupt, as we've seemingly reached a moment of awkward silence (or at least I seemed to think so, but before I could comment on it, they'd already left). Haah… Did I do or say something wrong? Did they just have to go suddenly? Or were they just rude and decided to leave? I suppose I will never know… But such a thing feels really draining and discouraging… Not the first time it has happened to me either; am I really such a problem..? I wish people wouldn't even bother interacting with me if they are just going to leave me as alone as before, if not worse…

This journal entry is a mess, huh? Could use some better punctuation, sentence structure, and spacing… But I am just too tired to try and do better… So I guess it will have to do for now — not like anyone other than me will read this, or even if they will, not like they will care anyway. But being so negative won't help anything either… It is what it is, I suppose. This is this, and that is that.

Guess I couldn’t leave it quite as messy as before after all; fixed punctuation issues, I think. Oh well…